Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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