dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
