do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
