i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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