He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
