Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
