i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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