We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
