Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
