my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
