Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
