when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
