McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
