it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
