Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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