dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
