she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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