I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
