I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
