you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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