Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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