By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
