Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
barbara walters just said penis...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
