Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
