Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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