she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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