he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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