Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize