All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
