Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
