YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
