I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
