Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
