this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
