I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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