So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I booty called her while she was in labor.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
