Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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