You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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