Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
