Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
