The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
