they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
