I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
