Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
