Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
