...so i touched it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
