just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
