I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
