During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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