Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
