Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
