winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
