I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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