Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
