now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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