I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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