Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
