We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
