WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
