so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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