We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
