I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
