Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
