My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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