if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Text me some of your sweat
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