had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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