I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
