I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize