i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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