An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
