it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
