Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize